Healing, maybe

Pet gates are still up.  I did pick up one of her blankets.  Haven't been able to wash it yet.  Wow.  It amazes me how much a part of your life they become.  I have never stopped mourning Abby and she has been gone 1year and 4 months.  I still look for her when I come home. 
I clipped Jock and Duncan tonight.  Don told me to keep Jock buzzed.  Reason being is that last year he got a piece of grass in his eye and it wound around his eyeball.  My grass is kept short and no ornamental grasses in their yard.  Nothing but trees, shrubs and rocks.  I keep the shrubs because they have large leaves and they like to hunt in them.  Jock loves to go under those shurbs.  Duncan not so much.  He does his business, then comes back close to the door. 
Maybe this weekend for the pet gates.  We'll see. 

Missy

I am very afraid Missy will be going soon.  She did not eat her food tonight and what little she did eat, she threw up.  She is 17 years old.  I know I have to let her go, but I don't think I will ever be ready.  My house will really be empty without her.  I am still missing Daisy.  I guess I will take the pet gates down tomorrow.  That will be the final goodby.  That will be acknowledging that she is truly gone.  It hurts. 

Loss

My house seems so empty even with Missy, Duncan, and Jock and the cats.  I expect Daisy to bark to wake me up at 5 am as usual.  I called the vet's office to find out how much my bill was.  I was really depressed all day and am still depressed.  It was like the final letting go.  But not really.  I haven't removed the pet gates.  Can't. Not yet.  I am not ready to let her go completely.  It will take awhile.  That piece of missing heart is still healing. 

Hurt

They come into your life bringing nothing but unconditional love.  They leave, taking a good chunk of your heart with them and leaving crushing heartbreak behind and leaving you a better person for having known them.  It was a pleasure to share Daisy's life with her.  I hope she gets a meadow with soft sunshine and many smells to explore. 

Remembering

When my son first brought Daisy to me, she was around 7 months old.  He had rescued her from the streets and he was going to keep her.  He brought her to me and gave me the money for her shots and to be spayed.  After I had her spayed, I brought her home with me to recover before she went home to my son.  She was in pain.  I put a twin mattress on the floor and slept next to her and held her.  One week after she was spayed, I had her back in the vet's office because she was in so much pain.  That was when she was diagnosed with severe hip dysplasia.  David did the diagnosing.  He had consulted with Don and he told me that we have two choices.  We either put her down or we do surgery.  She could not live the way she was.  He also told me that I would not get to keep her for many years.  So we did the surgery.  After the surgery, I had to keep her quiet for 6 weeks.  She has a steel bar inside the leg and a stabilizer bar on the outside screwed to the one inside.  So for 6 weeks, I kept her in a crate, taking her out to take her out and feed her.  She slept on a fluffy comforter.  After that 6 weeks were up and she could have the run of the house,she was so happy.  I have never seen a dog with so much enthusiasm.  We could never break her from barking because it was just sheer joy.  She stayed with me because we were afraid that if she were with my son's other dogs, she would get hurt.  He had 2 big dogs.  So for 5 years I have been blessed with Daisy and she was a blessing.  She will always be a blessing. 

RIP Daisy

Daisy had quit eating.  I thought it was because of the allergies.  She ate Monday night, but threw it up.  Then yesterday she was not interested in eating.  This was strange because usually Daisy eats everything in sight.  Tonight she was just sitting and looking at me.  I could tell she was in pain so I called my vet.  He met me at the clinic.  After he checked her over, he did an xray.  The xray showed she had severe arthritis in her spine and both hips were bone on bone and her muscles were atrophying. So I did what I always do.  I asked first can we do any thing?  Second if not do I let go.  His answer was that there is nothing that he could do and it would get real bad real fast.  So I held my baby while she went to sleep.  I will so miss her.  She could drive me nuts but she was so sweet.  She never complained.  She never growled at Don.  It hurts.